We often hear “That guy is my ex now, or my friends broke up”. So, what is a break up? In a male-female relationship, a break up is when two people who were in love decide to call it quits because of some reasons. Break ups are never easy because having known each other for a while, the reality of separation becomes painful. There are a lot of questions as to why my friend may break up with me or why s/he initiated the breakup.
The story of Dave and Daisy could help us understand better.
Dave and Daisy have known each other for some years, and over the years they have bonded very well. They were in love and their relationship was known among their parents and friends. Dave used to be a caring boyfriend until he joined his school’s football team and became famous. His friends persuaded him to ‘experiment’ with other girls instead of being hooked up with one girl. In order to fit into the group, he became unfaithful and whenever Daisy would question him, he would become sarcastic so as to put are off. After a while, his academics started dwindling and the school asked him to withdraw from the team so as to focus on his studies. He was unable to take responsibility for his failure, and so blamed Daisy for his failure. Finally, he decided to break up with her.
There are many reasons couples break up; infidelity, lack of responsibility for one’s faults, pleasing people at the expense of a relationship, lack of negotiation and compromise, drifting apart due to differences in interest, goals, abuse and so on.
Dave had been carried away by peer pressure and his use of sarcasm was to defend himself from admitting his infidelity towards Daisy. Admitting one’s mistakes and sticking to one’s principles are very important in a relationship. Fame comes with its challenges, and yet Dave could have kept in mind that he is of great worth regardless of what the others suggested, and that he did not have to please them in order to be part of them.
These days people break up by just sending a text message or going silent on the other. Yet for someone who had cared for and loved his girlfriend or her boyfriend, it would be human and a loving act to meet up with the other person and gently break the news to them, giving them time to process the news and pointing out the reasons for the break up without pointing fingers at my partner. This will help the one who was left to easily let go and start another relationship without a sense of rejection.
Not any and every conflict leads to a break up, we should work hard to learn to settle our differences amicably. However, there are moments when a break up is inevitable for instance, in abusive relationships. Love is a responsibility which each of the partner has towards the other. And if for any reason I get to suffer physical, emotional or any kind of abuse, I can decide to leave that relationship.
As we get to know each other, our love grows and this helps us to accept the ups and downs of our relationship. It is necessary to consider the following before breaking up:
- Be honest with myself about the authenticity of my desire to break up.
- Take time to reflect before any decision about a break up.
- Do my part to resolve any conflict and accept my boyfriend/girlfriend as s/he is.
- Decide to break up because the relationship is abusive and unhealthy.
- Take time to appreciate the values and good things which we have shared.
- Use kind language to express myself.
- Respect the other person’s desire for distance as they process the news and try to move on with life.
- Apologize for my mistakes and bad influence or example which I may have shown.
- Take time to go through the process of healing and moving on without repressing it through another relationship or unhealthy behavior.