Crush

I have heard such statements like ‘she or he has a crush on you!’ but what does it really mean to have a crush on someone? A crush entails developing a special liking of someone and desiring to be with them because I find him/her attractive and exceptional. It depends on how intense the feeling is. It might be simply to befriend that person or having a strong feeling that intensifies with time until I begin to fall in love with the other person.

Now what might lead me to have a crush on someone else? When I was still in school it so happened that I was so young and naïve and had made a commitment to finish school without having a boyfriend, so that I do not get distracted and fail my exams.

Unfortunately, while still in school I developed a special liking for one of my classmates. He was very intelligent, light skinned, had cute dimples which were so visible whenever he would smile and laugh, and so I liked having small talk, and making jokes so that I would often catch a glimpse of those dimples. Unknown to me was that he too had a crush on me but both of us did not have the courage to share with each other. At one point I even began unconsciously walking like him, until one of my close friends pointed it out to me. I could not admit it to her and she left me to discover on my own what I was feeling.  

This close friend of mine was mature enough not to reveal this information to any one, until I finally admitted it to myself and shared with her. Over time I discovered that I had a crush on this classmate of mine merely based on the physical level. Yet there are many other things that can make me have a crush on someone, some might be the unique way of speaking, laughing, dressing, behaving, good-heartedness, popularity, wealth, how the person carries him/herself, character and many others.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind though, that my body language often communicates what my mouth cannot easily say meaning that the other person can easily notice that I like them based on how I act in their presence, or how I communicate if it is through the different social media platforms. It is quite healthy to have a crush on someone be it a mere friendship, or something beyond that, what matters now is how I handle those feelings and emotions, which I am having within me.

Signs that I have a crush on someone might be, often finding myself day dreaming about this crush and smiling alone or planning what we will do when we meet or talk, his/her name is the first name that comes out of my mouth while calling someone else, and I might even begin to sing romantic songs because of my crush. In the presence of this person I may also find myself feeling nervous, shy, physically shaking or even having butterflies and becoming dumb all of a sudden.

It is tempting at times to consciously or unconsciously begin to flirt with my crush if and when I am not aware of my feelings and how to express them. This at times may make the other person uncomfortable and so s/he may distance themselves from me, and I become heartbroken, simply because the feeling was not mutual or unreciprocated.

Debbie’s Tips

So then having realised that I have a crush on someone I will;

  • Take time to understand what kind of feelings I am having towards that person.
  • Take time to really be honest as to name what it is that is making me feel attracted towards that person.
  • Continue communicating with him/her if we are already friends without any awkwardness.
  • Not to share with everyone about my crush and what I am feeling.
  • Seek guidance from a mature person to help me understand and see how best I can handle these feelings.
  • Give myself time to grow and be ready to truly clarify if my crush is simply momentary or growing into a deeper yearning to love the other person.
  • Respect myself and the other person by not being flirtatious until I have a clear idea of my feelings for them.

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